Indian Soap Operas - A Soapy Affair

No, I do not watch any of the soap operas. I just find them hilarious

Cricket is my religion, but the dish washing scene is more important

If you're born in an Indian family, you are probably very familiar with soap operas that run from 9 in the morning to midnight. They say Cricket is a religion in India, but nothing can be more important the third day of the dish washing scene where the camera keeps zooming in and out on the actor while the very familiar Dheem Dheem Ta Na Na plays in the background. We have achieved the impossible by turning the most boring scene into the most dramatic.

They go to parties in the sleep?

These actors go through the day with makeup on. They even sleep with it. I am pretty sure there is no person in the observable universe who would do that in real life. The wake-up-in-the-morning scene has extremely well dressed actors getting out of bed. How in the world is that possible? These actors wear clothes that are usually worn by normal people on special occasions. Why would anyone wear a suit or an expensive Saree at home? Nobody has a bad hair day. The actors and actresses can do household chores with the most elaborate clothing and makeup possible, and I can't even do them well in my PJs.

Science? Who wants science!

Almost every one of these series are unscientific. They have managed to create this parallel universe where usual scientific laws don't work. There was this one where the actor was probably quitting, and so they had to come up with a story to replace her. They made her meet with an accident, and then a plastic surgeon fixed her up while he was thinking about his crush from college (the new actor). Guess what! She turned out to look exactly like her. So we have all these plastic surgeons studying for years, and doing what now?

Baddies are always invisible

Every villain goes unnoticed. The always-innocent protagonist just doesn't notice the villain in their house until the one thousandth episode. By then the actor who plays the villain usually gets replaced roughly about two hundred and seventy five times. They can get cycled, too. The first one ends up coming back if all the other ones get bored.

You can always know the difference between the female protagonist and antagonist by the amount of jewelery they wear. Yes, the antagonist is like a walking-talking jewelery shop.

For the males, it's usually easier to listen to the background music. The zooms on the protagonist gets the most mellow and heartwarming music, while the ones on the antagonist is backed by thunder (in some cases lightning, even if it's inside the house).

Gray hair means older

It shouldn't surprise you to see the same actor who plays the son in one soap, play the father in the one right after. The only difference is the streak of gray hair. Age is not a thing.

The twin appears

The plot thickens (I guess?). The innocent protagonist gets into a lot of trouble, and from nowhere comes the twin that nobody had talked about all this time. Usually the twin is meaner and protects the other one. How is that possible? Maybe every twin got lost at Coachella.

Binge watch them. I dare you!

You could probably binge watch [Silicon Valley]( or Game of Thrones, but imagine binge watching Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. Wikipedia says 1833 episodes were aired in roughly nine years. Assuming about half hour per episode, it's almost 39 days of drama. I don't know what's going to happen after the 39th day.

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